Stepbrother Bestie (A Stepbrother Romance Novel) Page 13

  Shawn and I aren’t even together! I thought as I hauled one of the last bags into the back of my car. There were so many different raging emotions flying around inside of me now, I ended up feeling absolutely nothing. Overloaded with whatever it was that was going on inside of me, I felt numb and sick.

  However, it wasn’t the kind of numbness where there was no pain; it was that thick and heavy numbness that made my limbs almost burn with the effort of having to carry their weight.

  With every bag I carried out to the car, I felt as though another hundred pounds of weights were chained to my body, dragging it down and making me feel completely useless.

  If this didn’t stop, I was sure that I would eventually just sink into the ground and disappear.

  However, that is essentially what they want, isn’t it? I thought as I finally finished with the bags. When I heaved the last one into the car, I turned around and looked at the house that I had grown up in one last time and shook my head. There were so many memories in this house, but right now, all I could think of was the negative. Wasn’t that what my mother’s note said? Instead of dealing with the problem and uniting, like a family should do, they just severed the weakest link.

  First Shawn…now me, I thought and sighed as I shook my head, tried not to freak out and made my way to the driver’s side of this stupid car.

  I had no idea where I was going to go, but by this point, I not only needed, but also wanted to be anywhere but here when my mother and her stupid husband returned.

  Chapter 28

  Shawn

  On my way home from school, I was fuming. I couldn’t believe that Dalilah would sink so low.

  “What a bitch,” I muttered as I thought about what I could do. I didn’t know what was going on, exactly, but I knew that the more time I sat here and did nothing, the more she felt as though she was in control. I had to fix this.

  However, after learning what happened and who it was that had told the school, I found that I wasn’t angry for myself. I didn’t care one way or the other what people said about me. Hell, my friends were proud of me.

  Therefore, I certainly wasn’t going to lose much from this. If I had to deal with a few whispers for a little while until the next big social tragedy rocked the halls of the school then so be it.

  However, the person I was concerned about was Valerie.

  I felt awful for what I had done to her. I didn’t particularly care that I had spilled the secret to my father and his wife. I also couldn’t care less whether either one of them ever wanted to see me again; but Valerie, she didn’t deserve this.

  With the whole situation mounting in my mind, I slammed the steering wheel and screamed, “I told her to leave Valerie alone!”

  I grasped the wheel tightly, squeezing it. . I narrowed my eyes and glowered at the road ahead of me, increasing my speed and envisioning Dalilah in front of me.

  At this time, in this state of mind, if she really was in front of me, it scared me slightly about how sure I was that I would have been able to hit her and actually feel relief.

  I had never loved her. I lusted her for sure and I still found her extremely beautiful, but she was a lotus flower that poisoned everything in her path and I was no longer going to stand for her spell of seduction or her wrath. Somehow, I was going to fix this.

  I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that I needed to figure something out, or I would go insane.

  I sped around corners and blew through stop signs, but I had no idea where I was going. I was trying my best not to go to Dalilah’s house, because I was fairly certain, inside the only rational part of me that I deemed to be left, that if I showed up there, I would probably end up in jail within the hour.

  She had already threatened to call the police and lie about me. I had no doubt that she was capable of it, but if I gave her a reason to fear me, I would probably be incarcerated for murder before the day was done.

  Therefore, I tried my best to resist the urge to go there. After all, she had already done her damage. There was nothing left that she could do to fix it. That was the funny thing about rumors. Once they were said and believed, even the person who started them could not take back what they did.

  However, I had a feeling that the rumor was only the beginning for Dalilah and that scared me more than anything. Knowing her, this was her warning shot. I hated to see what her main event would end up being.

  Still, I knew that I couldn’t go there and so, after driving around, erratically and aimlessly for a long while, I realized that I recognized the street that I was on.

  After careful consideration though, I knew that I didn’t really want to be here either. I didn’t want to show up there at all, much less feeling as crazy as I did right now.

  Even still, I kept driving and as I rounded the corner, I saw something strange in the driveway of the house where I grew up.

  Curious and for the moment, forgetting my anger slightly, I leaned forward and squinted my eyes, but I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on.

  I sped up and continued down the road until I could make out Valerie’s car filled with black bags. She was just sitting in the driveway though, with the motor running, as though she was about to leave.

  Is she moving out? I thought as I parked the car in front of the house and suddenly, I was overcome with fear. If she moved, I might not know where she went. I could lose her forever!

  With that, I jumped out of the car and ran up to her.

  I put my hands on the side of the car, sure that she would not move it away like she did before without running over my feet. That probably wasn’t the best plan, because like Dalilah was for me, I was pretty certain that if Valerie was going to run over anyone today, I would be her first choice.

  “What is going on?” I asked her.

  When she stared at me, she had tears streaming down her face. “Go away!” she screamed. “This is your fault!”

  I narrowed my eyes with concern as I stuck my head into her car. “What is my fault? What happened?”

  “Go away!” She glowered at me with hateful eyes.

  “No!” I exclaimed, slamming my hand down on her door. “Tell me what happened. I need to know! I need to fix this!”

  “What does it look like, genius?” Mom kicked me out!”

  “What?” I felt my heart sink deep and defeated in my chest. I never thought, even for a second that I would have to worry about what my father and my step-mom would do to Valerie. I knew that they might be mad at her, but I never expected that they would do something so cold; especially considering that they didn’t even kick me out when I was having my plethora of problems with them.

  I left on my own.

  “Are you serious?” I asked, trying to find some way that I could make everything disappear for her. I wanted her to have a good life and she was right, this was all my fault. She might have wanted it, just as much as I did, but she was the one who was suffering the most, while I was had caused the problem by telling literally the worst people on the planet for me to have told. I felt awful.

  As an answer, she shoved a letter at me and my eyes skimmed over it, but I didn’t need to read it. The important attributes that I found was that while it mentioned my father, it was from Valerie’s mother, just like she had said. “This doesn’t make any sense,” I breathed impatiently.

  “Like I said, this is all your fault. But I have to be out of here by the time they get home, so I have to go…” With that she snatched the letter back from me and made a motion like she was going to drive away, no matter what.

  I panicked and grasped her car harder. “Wait! Please! I don’t know what to do, but please…I want to fix this.”

  “You can’t fix this…” she spat harshly.

  “Well, then at least let me try to make it better. Meet me at our spot…now.” When it looked like fuck you was going to be the next thing that came tumbling out of her mouth, I allowed myself to show the anguish and the desperation I was feeling as
I added, “Please…I want to help you.”

  “I think you’ve done enough,” she answered and moved as though she was going to leave again.

  “Please!” I yelled, feeling myself grow emotional. I didn’t want to be showing this unstable, crazy side to her, but right now, I couldn’t help it. Learning what happened to her made me feel an intense sense of pain. I wondered, probably selfishly, if my father and stepmother had done this specifically to hurt me, since they knew they couldn’t do anything else that would have near as much of an effect.

  When she stared at me, almost as though she was angered by my outburst, I swallowed hard. “Please…I can’t…I can’t let you go without having a plan. I owe you that, at least.”

  She thought about this for a moment and stared deeply into my eyes before finally she shook her head. “Fine. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  I nodded, trying to find some assurance of sincerity in her voice. Normally, she was a very honest person, but considering what I had put her through, I wouldn’t blame her in the least if she had decided to lie to me, just so she wouldn’t have to look at me any longer. I wouldn’t blame her, but I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, especially since she had nowhere to go and it was all my fault.

  Still, when she turned now, I had a sneaking suspicion that she was going to leave this time without worrying if I was in the way or not. I backed up quickly. “Thank you,” I said as I gave her space, hoping that the genuineness that I felt would come across to her.

  “Whatever.” She rolled her eyes as she pulled out of the driveway.

  As she pulled away, I wondered exactly what the chances were of her actually coming to meet me at the park. I figured, as I made it back to my car that they were probably slim to none, but that didn’t matter.

  I had to try my best to be there for her. I had to try.

  After all, with the way things seemed to be going, she and I were really the only people on the planet that the two of us had left and in my mind, we had to make the best of it.

  Chapter 29

  Valerie

  While I drove, heading in the general vicinity of the spot that we had deemed ours a few lifetimes ago, I contemplated whether or not I really wanted to do this.

  Ultimately, I knew that I really had no idea.

  Besides the fact that I had everything that I owned packed in a car that I wasn’t completely sure I wasn’t stealing, I also was not too thrilled with the idea of seeing Shawn’s stupid face ever again.

  This is all his fault! I angrily mashed the pedal down on the floor and growled hatefully. I was scared. That was for certain. Everything was happening so fast and even though I was happy, at least on some level that Shawn was trying to be there for me, I was also very afraid that he would try to hurt me like he had done before. I was still so raw from the last time he had thrown me to the wolves that I didn’t want to be near him.

  When he was leaning on my car, with his head sticking in the window, it was all I could do not to punch him in the face.

  My whole life was turning upside-down before my very eyes and all I could do was sit back and gape in astonishment. I would have never thought that my mother, of all people, would stoop so low as to kick me out of my own childhood home, without even having the decency to explain what was going on in person. That just wasn’t like her.

  However, I couldn’t think about it too much, because every time I did, it made me feel even sicker than when I had first realized what was going on. It was literally all that I could do to keep myself from having to pull over and spew what little I had left in my stomach onto the side of the road. I was nervous and scared. Everything I had ever worked for, all of the trust that I had built up with my mother and even with Paul was gone in a moment; not only that, but it was taken from me and I wanted it back.

  Yet, everything was just so out of my control that all I really wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hibernate or something until my mom missed me.

  How can her marriage be more important to her than her daughter? I thought with a searing sense of hate burning deep into my core. She had always told me that I was the most important thing in her whole world and yet, she didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about what happened; why it happened.

  I was disgusted.

  By the time I decided that I was going to go to the park, I had come to the terrible conclusion that I really had nowhere else to go.

  When my car pulled into the parking lot that melded with gravel before giving way to a green park, filled with playground equipment and more recently, a path with exercise equipment, I had realized that as much as I wanted to hate Shawn right now, there was no way I could. There was no one else in the whole world that I could turn to right now.

  My family had completely shut me out and Zachary had cheated on me. I didn’t want to expose my problems to the same girls who I was sure were snickering behind my back during school today and therefore, that left only Shawn. The same jerk that had always been there for me, aggravating me intensely for the entirety of our friendship.

  When I looked up, I noticed that once again, there he was, waiting for me, with a smile on his face; the only true smile that was passed my way all day.

  It was because of this, that even though I was still angrier at him than I had ever been at anyone in my entire life, I was still happy to see him. I smiled back, briefly, but meaningfully, before I turned off the car and got out.

  He did not rush up to me which I was happy about, because I might have used that as an excuse to punch him in the face; but rather, he allowed me the freedom to come to him.

  I made my way toward him easily. I was scared, but then again, I was pretty much scared of everything now. There was nothing that did not plague me at the moment. I felt even more lost than I had when I found out that my father had died.

  I could still remember that day. Shawn was there too. He was my beacon of light and right now, as I focused on him in front of me, I decided that no matter what had happened between us or what was going to happen to us, , that was exactly what he was to me again.

  So, as I walked up to him, even though I still had a strong urge to hit him, I resisted and instead, put my arms out. When I was close enough, I wrapped him in a hug.

  He seemed surprised at first, but within a few seconds, he pulled me in close to him as well and hugged me tighter.

  “I am so sorry, Val…” he said as I began to sob.

  “Shut up,” I answered carefully. “Don’t talk Shawn, or I will hit you.” I hugged him closer and sniffled as tears began to stream down my face and onto his shoulder.

  “Okay. Good call.”

  “Shhh. Just hold me.”

  And to my surprise, instead of trying to get a word in edgewise, Shawn did exactly as I told him to. He did not try to push me into talking and he didn’t even try to comfort me with his words, which likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Instead, he just held me close and rubbed my head with his hand. He stroked me slowly and I closed my eyes, trying desperately to forget the world in its entirety.

  I didn’t want to think about anything. I didn’t want to contemplate how angry I was at Shawn, or how hurt I was by my mother cutting me off; none of it. I just wanted to enjoy the peace and serenity I felt while wrapped tightly in Shawn’s arms, being consumed by the darkness.

  We stayed like that for a long time. I was happy this way. I didn’t want to stop.

  However, eventually, I began to calm down and realized that it would probably be a good idea for me to talk to Shawn.

  This reminder of our closeness had done a lot to help me come to terms with the fact that I needed him, especially now, but it did not erase what he did. It did not help me come to terms with what was going on.

  All that he was able to provide was comfort; a soft cushion to land on after taking a potentially lethal blow.

  Eventually, I pulled away from him and gazed into his eyes.

  He smiled back and moved to swipe a tear away
from my cheek. Feeling his hands on my face made me feel happy and even slightly aroused.

  I had always had a crush on him and the feel of his touch against my skin would always be something that triggered a reaction from me. I couldn’t help it.

  Still, even the feelings that he caused to race through my body didn’t erase what he had done and what had happened as a result.

  I didn’t need comforting right now. I needed solutions.

  Owning this, I sighed deeply and asked him, “What am I going to do?”

  He continued to stare at me. “Umm…Can I speak now?”

  “I might still hit you.”

  He shrugged. “I would rather you not, but I wouldn’t blame you. I definitely deserve it.”

  “You do.” I nodded thoughtfully.

  I watched Shawn’s face frown slightly and got the feeling that I wasn’t actually supposed to agree with him on that, but I didn’t care. He had hurt me and he needed to know it.

  I would deal with him later though, for I had far more on my plate at the moment besides just my contempt for what Shawn did.

  When I showed no remorse for my comment, he gave up and added, “Okay, well, let’s think. The first thing you need is a place to stay, right?”

  I nodded.

  He thought for a moment and then came back to me as though he was almost afraid that I would flat out reject him. “Well…If you want, you are welcome to stay with me?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and thought about what he was saying. Since I didn’t have very many options, I actually considered it before I truly thought about it. Finally, I said, “You mean, at your mom’s?”

  He nodded eagerly. “She’s never there, Valerie. Chances are, she probably wouldn’t even notice you there.”

  I couldn’t believe that I was considering it, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, at least in my mind. I did need a place to stay and he was offering.