Dirty Secret Baby Page 18

  “Bobby is sleeping,” I said as I pointed to the little bundle on the bed. “But he sleeps through most things, so we can still talk. I’m sorry about that.”

  “Aren’t you allowed outside?”

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  Her eyes widened. “Shit, Savannah. That’s not good. That’s not good at all. I know he thinks he’s all powerful now and all that crap but I didn’t think he’d actually do something like that. He can’t stop you from going outside, can he?”

  “He can, and he has. You know what he’s like.”

  She shook her head and peered at Bobby. “Ah, he’s gotten so big. What a beautiful boy. You must be so proud of him.”

  I beamed. “Thank you. This whole thing has been so hard on him. I feel like I’ve been the worst mother in the world even though all I have ever done is try to protect him.”

  “What the hell is really going on? Can you tell me?”

  I sighed. The two of us took a seat on the other side of the room so that we could talk without Bobby waking up. I could hear Duke talking across the hall, laughing with some of the other men, so I knew I could talk without him hearing me. I quickly detailed everything that had happened before we were interrupted. She looked at me in shock when I was finished with the story and shook her head.

  “I cannot believe this. I mean, I guess I can. Like you said, I should expect something like this from Duke. But it’s still shocking. I can’t believe you actually went back to Axel. How was it? After all this time.”

  “It was wonderful.”

  “You love him, don’t you?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I do. I knew I had strong feelings for him that first night we slept together. But it’s more than that. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and I want him to be Bobby’s father.”

  “And how does he feel?”

  “I think he feels the same way.”

  “You can’t stay here, Savannah. This place is going to kill you. You have to get out.”

  I nodded. “I know. I’m trying. I really am. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back here in the first place, but I was so scared that he was going to do something worse than burn down the shop. I was so scared. I came back here to protect Bobby and to protect Axel. But I’m so scared. I hate it here.”

  “Leaving this place was the best thing I could’ve done. It was easy for me, of course. I married a man from the club. And, between you and I, he’s a good man. He only pretends in front of Duke when he’s here. It’s so hard to break ties. So we just pretend. But it was only when we left this place that we realized how toxic it was. You have to get out of here. And, most of all, you have to get Bobby out of here. Your life is with Axel.”

  We were interrupted moments later by Duke, who didn’t seem too happy that we were hanging out together. Eva gave me a big hug and told me that she was going to join her husband.

  “It was so good to see you again, Savannah. I’m glad that you’re back here,” she said. I knew she was only saying it for Duke’s benefit. He was standing by and watching the two of us. He seemed pleased by Eva’s words.

  I stayed in the room, watching over Bobby and listening to everyone talking outside. I felt good after seeing Eva again, but also sad. Even though she had gotten out of this place and had started a life outside of the club, she still had to pretend when she was back here. I could hear her laughing with the men outside, and I wondered how they couldn’t hear how fake it sounded. Eva might think she’s free, but she wasn’t. The club still had a hold on her life. But she was right about one thing: I had to get out before it was too late.

  I was listening to their conversations from a distance when I suddenly heard Duke talking to Jock. The two of them had distanced themselves from the rest to talk, and they were standing a bit closer to my room. I could hear everything they were saying. I think Duke forgot how loud his voice was sometimes. He had the most annoyingly loud voice that could usually be heard no matter where you were in the house. It usually annoyed me, but now I was grateful for it.

  “So, you ready to race Axel?” Duke asked.

  “Of course I am. I’ve been waiting for my chance to beat that guy. You know I’ve been talking about it ever since he beat me that first time. Thanks for giving me a chance to do it.”

  “Good. I’m glad to hear it. That’s just the sort of attitude that I want. That’s why you are my favorite guy for this. You were my first choice for sure. But listen, you have to win.”

  “I know. And I’m going to try. He’s not an easy man to beat though, but I’m glad to have the opportunity to at least try. I really don’t want him to win again.”

  “That’s just the thing. I can’t have him beat you. I need to know that you are going to win,” Duke said. I could hear that he had been drinking again. There was a slight slur in his voice that hadn’t been there before.

  “I’m going to try,” Jock said again, but even I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Jock knew as well as everyone else that Axel was better than him.

  “No, you’re going to win,” Duke said. “And we’re going to make sure of it.”

  “What do you mean?” Jock asked. “Do you have something in mind?”

  “Of course I do. You know that I would never let you go out there if I thought you were going to lose. I’m going to make sure that you come out of there a winner and I’m going to do it my own way. We’re going tamper with the race.”

  Jock laughed. “Really? Ooh, I like the way you think. But how exactly are we going to do that?”

  “We’re going to mess with his bike. That way, he’ll lose, and you’ll come out the winner. And if he claims that there is something wrong with is bike, we can just say that he’s a sore loser. I want you to get your revenge on him, and I want you to win. Both of us will come out of this on top. We’re the better club, that’s for sure. I’ve always known it, and it’s about time they know it too. Why do you think this club was started in the first place? Because we’re better than them and because we’re not afraid to bend the rules.”

  I listened to the two of them talking about their plan, and I felt sick to my stomach. I should’ve known that all of this was too good to be true. Jock was a much better racer than Duke was, but Axel had still beaten Jock before. I should’ve known that Duke wouldn’t take a gamble like that. I had to find a way of letting Axel know before the race began. But how was I going to do that when I couldn’t even get out the house? Even if I did have a key, I wouldn’t be able to get out with the guard on watch. But I had to find a way. I had to at least try. This house was known for breaking the rules, as Jock had just said, so it was about time I broke them too. No more being scared. I had to do the right thing. I looked at Bobby and made a promise to myself that I was going to help Axel. Now I just had to figure out how.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Axel

  The doorbell rang at home, and I jumped up to answer it. I expected it to be Pop or Spike but gasped when I saw Candice and Dominic standing in front of me with little Stacy. I grinned at the sight of them. With everything bad that had happened lately, it was so good to see some friendly faces in front of me.

  “Well, this is a good surprise,” I said. “Come on in. Dammit, I don’t have any chocolate milkshakes this time around.”

  Candice laughed. “That’s okay. I don’t crave them anymore. The only thing I seem to want at the moment is Stacy. I have to stop myself from picking her up every second and kissing her. I swear I could easily stop eating and drinking too. Dominic has to keep reminding me.”

  I looked at the little girl and smiled. “I don’t blame you. She’s absolutely adorable. She’s honestly the prettiest little girl in the world. She obviously gets it from you, Candice. Thankfully she didn’t take after that ugly mug,” I teased and pointed at Dominic. “So, how is motherhood treating you? You look amazing, by the way.”

  “Ooh, I love you. I don’t feel amazing. I think I should hang around you more often. I like these compliments.
But motherhood has been great. Interesting, scary, wonderful, fearful. Everything. I’m tired all the time, and happy all the time; it’s very bizarre. It’s definitely an emotional rollercoaster. But the good outweighs the bad. It’s hard to stay upset when you see her little face looking up at you. And Dominic has been amazing. He’s a natural.”

  “Naturally,” he said, and we all laughed.

  “I’m sorry we haven’t been around. There were still a lot of complications after the baby was born and we haven’t really done much socializing. We wanted to wait until everything was okay and when we got the go-ahead from the doctor before finally going around and visiting people.”

  “But everything is okay now?” I asked.

  “Everything is fine. We’re very lucky. I’m so grateful to have her in my life.”

  “Poor Dominic was going out of his mind at the hospital,” I said. “Actually, we all were.”

  “So I heard. I had no idea what was going on. Dominic told me the whole thing afterward. I was so out of it. Thanks for being there for Dominic. What a crazy experience. But, of course, so worth it.”

  “She’s adorable, Candice. I’m so happy for you guys. Can I hold her?”

  “Of course you can,” she said and took the sleeping Stacy from the stroller. She gave her a quick kiss, giggled, and then handed her to me.

  I could count on my hand the number of times I had held a baby, and when I had, I’d pretty much asked the person to take the baby back almost immediately. It was a scary thing, holding a newborn. I used to worry about their little necks and had always felt awkward holding someone else’s baby. I used to think they were looking at me in fear and hoping that I wouldn’t drop the kid. I didn’t like it. I told everyone, including myself, that I was not a baby person. Not a kid person at all in fact. And I had believed it. But something in me had changed, and as I held Stacy, I didn’t want to ever let her go. I had to force back the tears that were threatening to come out.

  “Wow, this is emotional,” I said and laughed to hide my tears.

  “Tell me about it. Dominic here has been crying every day.”

  “No, I haven’t!”

  “Hey, don’t lie,” I said. “I don’t blame you. She’s just so sweet. Ah, it’s good to see you both again. I’ve thought about you guys so much. Pop kept me up to date so I knew you’d come around when you could. I couldn’t wait for the day you popped around. I knew it would mean that everything was fine. I feel like we should be celebrating. Pop must be so happy that you’re all fine. He’s a proud grandfather. I think Stacy here is going to be very spoiled by him.”

  “She sure is. But listen, are you okay? We stopped by to see Pop this morning, and he filled us in on everything. I hope you don’t mind?”

  Relief washed over me. I had been wondering whether or not to tell them about everything. I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if it was fair on me to talk about my problems when they were finally home and happy again. It was good to know that Pop had taken care of that for me. I reminded myself to thank him the next time I saw him. He always had a way of knowing what I wanted without me having to say anything to him.

  “Of course not. I would’ve told you anyway. I didn’t want to worry you guys considering how much you’ve had to deal with yourself lately. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know when to tell you. But I’m glad you know. It feels like a relief to have someone to talk to about it. I’ve been going mad with the whole thing. It sometimes feels like it’s not even happening to me, you know? Like I’m just playing a character in some elaborate movie. It’s crazy, isn’t it?”

  “It’s completely crazy,” Candice said. “And, of course, I feel so sorry for Savannah too. This has been hard on both of you. That was a big move she made, leaving you to go back to them. I hope you’re not upset with her because if I was in her shoes, I might’ve done the same. She was trying to protect you. And going back to that club was probably the hardest decision of her life.”

  I sighed. I knew how much Candice liked Savannah. I wanted the two of them to get the chance to know each other without all the drama that had been surrounding all of us lately.

  “I’m not upset with her. I was at first. I mean, you can’t blame me. I hated that she went away and took Bobby away too. But I know why she did it. Did you hear about the race?”

  “Yeah, that’s why we’re here. We’re coming to support you. Pop said it’s today.”

  I looked at the clock. “Yeah, I’m leaving in an hour. Thanks so much for coming with. That means a lot. Pop is meeting me here, and so is Spike. Nice to have a team on my side.”

  “Anytime. We want you to show this guy what you’re made of. And, most of all, we want you to get her back. She’s the perfect girl for you, Axel.”

  I smiled. “She sure is.”

  I looked down at Stacy in my arms and sighed. She was making tiny little noises as she slept and was curling her fingers around mine. She looked like she was having a very big and happy dream. I thought of Bobby and how much he enjoyed going to sleep each night so that he could enter another dream and be part of a big adventure. I missed him so much. This is what I wanted. I wanted to be a family. Nothing else seemed important to me anymore. I had to get Savannah back and tell her how much I loved her. With everything that had happened, I still hadn’t had the chance to tell her how I really felt. Candice sneezed, and my head shot up. I was so wrapped up in looking at Stacy that I had forgotten the other people around me.

  “Bless you,” I said, and she grinned at me. “Sorry, I got a bit lost there.”

  “Now you know what I go through every day. I have no idea how I’m ever going to get anything done in life. All I want to do is stare at her all day. Okay, so we’re going to stay with you until you have to go. No point in you sitting here alone.”

  I shot them a grateful smile. “Thank you. I would probably go out of my mind if I was to sit here alone. The time was dragging. All I want to do is go out there and race.”

  “Almost time. You keep Stacy; I’ll make us all some coffee.”

  The next hour went by quickly. Before we knew it, Pop and Spike had appeared at the house. They helped me load the bike onto the truck, and all of us made our way towards the race track. I sat in the front with Pop while he tried to keep me calm.

  “I hope you don’t mind me telling Dominic and Candice about what’s been happening. I figured you might want them to know. I only realized afterward that it probably wasn’t my business to tell them.”

  “Are you kidding me? You did me a favor. I wanted them to know. I’m just glad I didn’t have to go through the whole thing again. You made it easier for me.”

  “We’re all on your side, Axel. We’re rooting for you.”

  I smiled. “I know you are.”

  It was good to have Pop with me. He’d always had such a calming effect on me, and today was no different. By the time we arrived at the track, I felt ready. Once we were there, I saw the sponsors and went to talk to them. They were all very excited about the race and seemed to think I would come out on top. I hoped that they were right. I had so much riding on this race. I thought back to when I had been involved in illegal street racing. Getting that pink slip was the best way of securing something good for yourself after a race, but it also meant that if you lost, you would also lose your bike or car. It was a big gamble. Back then I had no idea that an even bigger gamble was coming my way. It was the most important race of my life. I was literally racing for Savannah’s freedom. I listened to the carefree talk and laughter of those around me. They had no idea what I was going through.

  I saw Duke and Jock at the other side of the track. Duke saw me looking and waved at me. I waved back and groaned. Even though he was too far away for me to see his face, I still knew he was smirking at me. I couldn’t wait to wipe the smile off his slimy face. I looked away and concentrated on my bike and keeping calm before the race. It was a hot day, but I was sure that I would’ve been sweating even if it was the middle of wint
er. I was just about to start checking my bike when I heard someone pull up behind me. I couldn’t make out who was in the car, but they were calling me to come to them. I walked up to the car, wondering why the person was wearing a hooded jacket on such a warm day and then stopped in shock when I realized who was driving the car.

  “Savannah!”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Savannah

  Bobby was fast asleep, and I really needed him to wake up so that I could talk to him. I sat there for a while, just watching him. He was so peaceful, but the moment he woke up, I was going to have to break that peace. I felt like a terrible mother. Nobody had warned me how hard motherhood was going to be. It was like having a piece of your heart walking outside of your body. I felt the need to protect him with every waking moment I had, and yet I constantly felt like I was not doing a good job of it. I had never loved anybody as much as I loved my son. I saw the clock above me and knew that I didn’t have much time. I had to wake up him and explain everything to him.

  “Bobby, wake up. I need to talk to you.”

  Bobby lifted his head and frowned at me. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy? What’s going on?”

  “Nothing is wrong. But we need to talk. Now, I need to go and do something very important, and I need you to stay here and be a good boy. Can you do that for me?”

  His eyes widened. “No, Mommy. I’ll come with. I’ll be quiet. I promise. I don’t want to stay here on my own. Please don’t leave me.” There was panic rising in his voice, so I took his little hand and squeezed it gently. I had hoped he would just say yes, but I knew that he would probably put up a fight. Bobby was a very clever and brave boy, but for most of his life, he had been with me. It wasn’t often that I’d left him alone, and if I had, then it was usually in the hands of someone we trusted. Perhaps I’d mothered him too much over the years, but when we lived at the XMC house, I never wanted to leave him alone. Even before I had run away. Even before my father had died. I did everything with him so that he would feel safe. The only people that I had dared to leave him alone with had been Axel and Pop. For the rest of the time, he was with me and only with me.