Dirty Secret Baby Read online

  “So do I. You know, Savannah, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about little Bobby. When are you going to tell him about his father?”

  I’d lifted up my coffee cup at that moment and froze before the cup ever touched my lips. I put it down and stared at him. This was a conversation we had not had in a very long time, and I had no idea why he was suddenly bringing it up again.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it,” I lied. The truth was that I thought about it almost every single day of my life. And the older Bobby got, the more he was starting to look like his father. It was hard not to think about it when I looked into those big green eyes.

  “You should. It’s not right that this boy doesn’t know his father.”

  “Dad, you know exactly why I haven’t told him. Even you agreed with me that it was better that we didn’t get Axel involved. The rivalry between the clubs is too much. I didn’t want to get him involved. I didn’t want to cause any troubles. I thought it was better that Bobby and I just lived our own lives.” Even then the words had seemed hollow on my lips. I remember wondering if I really believed them.

  “Yeah, well, sometimes it’s good to do something that’s against the rules and against what everyone is telling you to do. I know you’re trying to think of Bobby, but maybe you’re denying him of something that he deserves to know.”

  “You think I should tell Axel? After all this time?”

  He sighed, and then looked at me in the eye. His gaze was so serious that it shocked me. I had never seen that look from him before. He nodded. “Yeah, I think you should, Savannah. I know it’s going to be hard, but sometimes the most important things in the world are the hardest.”

  And then, a week later, he passed away. And just like that, I knew that he had finally realized how important family was, and how unimportant the club was. Unfortunately, he’d realized it too late, but I knew that he didn’t want the same fate to fall upon me or Bobby. I had to do what was right. If not for me, then at least for Bobby. My father had made many mistakes in his life, but he’d never asked me for much. This was the only time I could remember him asking something of me. How could I ignore his wishes? I had to do it. I had to tell Axel.

  I’d seen Axel’s shop before. I’d gone past it once when I was driving with Duke, one of the members of the club, and he’d spat out the window in disdain. At the time I hadn’t known it was run by the same Axel that I had slept with all those years ago. The name had sparked something in me, as it always did, but I hadn’t known that the two were related.

  “What did you do that for?” I had asked.

  “Don’t you know? The guy that runs that shop is part of that old motorcycle club that your dad used to belong to. I hate those guys. In fact, hate is a very kind word for what I’m really feeling.”

  I hadn’t said anything back. First, I knew that it was never good to talk back to Duke. He had a temper that I wished I hadn’t seen. I had unfortunately learned the hard way that it was best to never disagree with him. Second, I was too shocked to speak. That was Axel’s shop. Bobby’s father. My Axel. I tried not to think about him, but it was impossible. I’d gone away for a few years, but when I’d gotten back, I’d often wondered if he and I would cross paths again. And there he was. Axel. With his own shop. I’d felt a tear falling down my face. I was grateful that Duke hadn’t noticed. I had no idea how I would’ve explained that Axel was the father of my child. Only my father and I were privy to that bit of information, and I definitely did not intend for Duke to ever find out. I was sure then, more than ever, that Bobby would never get to know his father. Not after I saw the look that crossed Duke’s face.

  Now, all these years later, I was back. The shop was still there. I had no idea if Axel would even be there. If he wasn’t, what would I tell the person that opened the door? That his one-night stand was back to see him? That the son he hadn’t known about was standing right beside her? I felt sick as I pressed the doorbell and waited. I heard footsteps and almost ran, but I seemed glued to the spot. The door opened, and there he stood. Axel. Six years had passed, and he was still the best-looking man I’d ever seen. In fact, the six years had been kind to him. He looked a little bit more put together now. He looked like the type of guy that had finally gotten his life together. Suddenly, I felt desperate to know everything about him. Suddenly, I felt guilty that I knew absolutely nothing.

  “Hi,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. Neither did he. He just stood there, staring at me as if I were a figment of his imagination.

  Six years melted away, and I felt transported back to the first time we had kissed. How could I remember it so well after all this time? I was just about to pick Bobby up and walk away. But Bobby, in all his six-year-old confidence, had other plans. While Axel had been staring in shock at Bobby, Bobby had been staring back at Axel. But he’d had his eye on Axel’s arm, which sported a very colorful tattoo. Bobby gasped, walked up to him and touched his arm.

  “Cool!” Bobby exclaimed as he trailed his little fingers around the outline of the tattoo. Axel looked like he was going to faint. He still hadn’t said a word to either one of us.

  I gulped. I shut my eyes and opened them again and took a deep breath.

  “Can I come in?”

  Chapter Five

  Axel

  I paced the room. I paced, and I paced, and I paced. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Every time I sat down, I got up again to pace. I wasn’t even sure when I had last eaten. Savannah was back in my life. The one girl that I had never forgotten. I could still remember that night with her in vivid detail. The way she’d raced me; the way we’d laughed; the way we’d explored each other’s bodies. It wasn’t often that I had sex with someone and asked them if I could stay the night. But that night, I didn’t want to leave. I’d enjoyed myself way too much.

  I’d woken up the following day to a note from her, telling me that she’d had a great night but that she was leaving and didn’t want to get into a relationship. I’d been disappointed. I had woken up with plans to take her out for breakfast and to get to know this interesting woman a bit more. I’d written back, telling her to let me know when she was back. I left her my number and my email address and waited for her to get back to me. But she never did. Six years passed by and I thought about her less and less. But, sometimes, when I saw a tall and beautiful woman in the distance, my heart would thud against my chest.

  I never told anyone about my time with her. I never told anyone about how she had made me feel. I kept that all to myself. It was much easier for me to pretend like I wasn’t interested in settling down, and that I wasn’t interested in long-term relationships. It was easier to make people think that I had chosen this life for myself. The truth was very different. Savannah had hurt me more than she could ever imagine. It might have only been one night, but it was still the best night of my life. I kept the whole thing so hidden from everyone that I sometimes wondered if I had imagined it all. But she was back. Savannah was real, and she was back. And she hadn’t come alone.

  A knock on my door startled me, and when I went to answer, I breathed in relief at the sight of Dominic and Candice. I had called them the day before after I had spoken to Savannah, and they had promised to get on the next flight out. They were on their way anyway and were planning to spend a bit of time back in Topeka. They’d obviously sensed my desperation and changed their flights the moment they put down the phone. I thought that they would either arrive later that day or the next day, so it was such a relief to see them standing in front of me. It was hugely comforting.

  “You guys really came! Thank you so much. I don’t know what to do with myself. Oh wow, Candice, look at you. You look amazing!”

  Candice laughed as the two of us tried to embrace one another. Her stomach was so big that it was almost impossible to wrap my arms around her. I hadn’t seen her in such a long time and even though I’d been told how big she was, I hadn’t truly realized it. She looked like she was just
about to have her baby. But, despite this, she looked absolutely radiant.

  “Amazing is not the word. Uncomfortable is the word.”

  “I’m surprised they let you fly.”

  “Well, I probably shouldn’t have. But it was a short flight. And anyway, I didn’t tell my doctor.”

  “I’m glad you came. Oh, and I heard that you like chocolate milkshakes now. So I bought a few. I wasn’t sure if you were coming, but I hoped so. At least I don’t have to drink these alone now. Want one now?”

  She grinned. “You’re the best. Now, let’s sit and you can tell us all about what happened.”

  I nodded, grateful for something to do. I had gone out that morning to buy some milkshakes in preparation for their arrival. I took three out, then opened a bag of popcorn and threw it into a bowl. I carried it all out into the living room.

  “Sorry, Dom,” I said. “No beer. Can you believe I have milkshakes and no beer in this house? I must be losing my mind.”

  “That’s okay,” Dominic said and laughed. “At least Candice has an excuse for wanting this stuff. I drink just as much as she does.”

  “We’re supporting you, that’s all,” I said to Candice.

  “I’m sure you are. Thanks, Axel. This is very sweet of you. Now, what’s this about a woman coming to your shop with your six-year-old son? Is this true? You never told us about this woman. Is it really your kid? Sorry, so many questions.”

  I sighed. “That’s okay. I don’t blame you. I haven’t told anyone about Savannah before. But, I had no idea about the kid. I don’t know where to start.”

  “From the beginning,” Candice said.

  Memories from six years ago came flooding to the forefront of my mind. I pictured her standing at the race after she’d challenged me. I told them about the pink slip and how I had asked for a date instead of a car. How I’d taken her out, and how one thing had led to another. Talking about it out loud made the whole thing feel more real than it had before. I had tried so hard not to think about her over the years that it was almost like I was just telling them all about some amazing dream I had just had. The whole thing felt so surreal to me. And yet, the details were all there. I remembered them all. Down to the way she smelled that night. To the way she had made me feel.

  “And yeah, I know that sounds just like any other night to me, but she was different. It’s hard to explain. She was so different from any other girl I had ever met. I mean, how often do you meet someone who is just as passionate about bikes as you are? It just doesn’t happen. And she loved drag racing, and the adrenaline. And, besides all of that, she was this really sweet and gentle soul. Tall too: you’d pick her out from a crowd without fail. I liked that about her. I liked how different she was. I slept over at her place that night. And in the morning, she was gone. She left me a note, telling me that she didn’t want anything because she was going away. So I left a message and told her to contact me when she got back. I gave her all my details, and then I left feeling sure that she would contact me.”

  “But she didn’t,” Candice said.

  I shook my head. “She didn’t. And now, six years later, she’s back. And she has a kid with her. A kid that she says is mine. I cannot even tell you how shocked I was when I opened the door and saw her standing there. I had no warning at all.”

  “Oh wow, Axel, that’s crazy. You must’ve freaked out! But look, are you sure that she is who she says she is? I mean, I know she’s the same girl. But what about the kid? Is she telling the truth?”

  I nodded. “She is.”

  “But how do you know? I mean, he could be anyone’s kid, surely? Six years is a long time, and you don’t exactly know this girl very well. I know you had an amazing night with her, but that doesn’t mean that you know who she is. She could be lying to you. Why come back to you after all this time?”

  I sighed. “It’s the truth. Trust me; I have no doubt in my mind about that part. I took one look at him, and I knew that I was his father. I didn’t even really need to ask her. He looks a bit like her. But boy does he look a lot like me.”

  “Yeah, but that could be a coincidence.”

  I took out the envelope that Savannah had given me the day before and handed them to Candice. There were quite a few photos, some of him as a baby, and then some of him as a toddler, up until the most recent photos. I had looked at them all already so many times that I knew them by heart. She flipped through them and showed them to Dominic and then she looked at me and nodded.

  “You’re right, Axel. He looks just like you. I also have no doubt about it. That’s your kid.”

  Dominic looked at the photos and gasped. “He looks exactly the same as you did at his age. We were actually going through some photos not so long ago. If I didn’t know I would swear this was you. Shit, Axel. You have a child.”

  I nodded. I knew that he was my child, but hearing it confirmed by someone else made me feel strange. “Yeah. I have a child.” I don’t think I had fully realized it until then.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Bobby,” I said and smiled despite myself.

  “Bobby. That’s cute.”

  “Cute. Yeah. He’s damn cute. Not just his name but also his personality. He’s a real sweetheart. But what the hell am I going to do? I mean, I had no idea about this until now. It’s not the easiest thing for someone to just spring on you like that.”

  “What does she want? I mean, why is she back after all this time? There must be a reason for it. It sounds like she came for a reason.”

  I sighed. That was exactly what I wanted to know. But even after chatting with Savannah, I still had no idea. “I don’t know.”

  “Where is she now? I thought she’d be here.”

  “No way. She’s not staying here. Actually, Dom, she’s with your dad.”

  “In the garage?” he asked. The garage had been converted into a small apartment. Candice had stayed there once upon a time when she’d left home. Back then, it had been nothing but a room. But now, they had converted it into a little apartment on its own, with a bathroom and a small kitchen. It even had its own entrance. It was where Dominic and Candice stayed when they came to visit. Thankfully they were staying at a hotel at the moment, but I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when they needed to stay with Pop again. I would have to cross that bridge when it came to it. I had no idea how long Savannah was planning to stay either. There were so many things that I had no idea about.

  I nodded. “Yep, in the garage. Your father was nice to offer. Although I threw him like a million daggers when he suggested it. But I suppose I couldn’t just throw her out.”

  Candice’s eyes narrowed at that. “So that means she has nowhere to stay? What the hell is going on? Sounds like something bad happened in her life.”

  “Yeah, I asked her the same thing. She said it was a long story. I don’t know. Part of me wants to know it all and part of me doesn’t want to know anything. It’s too weird. I’m feeling so confused. I don't know what to think. My emotions are all over the place.”

  “I’m sure. And she didn’t tell you why she left all those years ago and why she didn’t tell you about Bobby?” Dominic asked.

  “No. She didn’t tell me anything. She was obviously very nervous when she came to see me. And Bobby was there so she probably couldn’t tell me too much. Maybe she’ll tell me in time. I hope so. I’m still trying to process everything, to be honest.”

  “How was Bobby with you?”

  “He was more interested in my tattoos than anything else.”

  Candice chuckled. “Cute. That’s kids for you. They have a very different way of dealing with things. Look, Axel, I know you’re mad. I know this is hard for you. And I know you don’t truly understand what’s going on. But as hard as it is, you need to put yourself in her position.”

  “In her position? What do you mean?”

  “You were a one-night stand, with a reputation for not settling down. No offense or anything but that is the name t
hat you built for yourself over the years. She probably didn’t want to burden you. Maybe she just didn’t feel like you would want to be a part of their lives. Maybe she thought she was doing what was best for her child. I know it’s not the nicest thing to hear, but in her world, she might’ve just thought that she was doing the right thing. Maybe you should give her a chance. Hear her out, at least.”

  “No. I’m sorry, but that’s no excuse,” I said. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me. I didn’t want Candice to take her side. I wanted them to be on my side. “I have no idea what I would’ve done if she had come to tell me, and I have no idea if I want to be a father. But that doesn’t excuse taking away six years from me. She stole six years of that kid’s life from me. That’s not right. That’s not right at all. Six long years. He’s not a baby anymore. He’s had six years on this earth without me or my influence in his life. That’s not right at all. How could she do that to me? What sort of a person does that?”

  Candice sighed and took my hand. “You’re right. It’s awful. But people do things sometimes that they feel are right, even if they’re not. And, maybe we should wait until we find out what the full story is. There is always more to someone than meets the eye. I don’t think she would’ve just walked away from you without a reason, and I don’t think that she’s suddenly back in your life without a reason. Also, as much as I hate to say this to you, anger is not going to get you anywhere. Six years is a long time to have taken away from you, so you don’t want to lose any more precious time. He’s here now, and maybe that’s all that matters.”

  I looked at Dominic to see if he was going to agree with me or with Candice. I saw him looking at Candice’s stomach before looking back at me.

  “She’s right. You’ve been given this chance. And yeah, you might not be happy with her, but that doesn’t mean you have to let that stop you from seeing him. No matter what happens now, do it for him. Put everything else aside.”